today i weighed myself. 105 pounds. yesterday was 103 pounds. 105 was my goal weight so it shouldn't bother me that i weigh exactly what my goal is. but now i think my goal is 98. and when i get there i'm sure my goal will be 83. and then i don't know.

i'm quitting smoking.

i've been paranoid i have an ectopic pregnancy. i no longer think this because the pain went away instead of getting worse. but i think this picture is hilarious and tragic at the same time:

ugh

lately sometimes i feel so awake. but right now i feel sad and want to disappear into the walls.


before i was pretty much just waiting to die. i even said fucked up things like "i don't know if i'll be alive by the time you come back." which was kind of true because i was essentially suicidal, but fucked up to say. he is such a douchebag.


i'm done writing for now.