it's 7.15a. i have been up for about 1.5 hours. i feel a bit slow right now because i ate some leftover nachos for breakfast. delicious though.

here they have these amazing slices of cheese that are gouda in the middle, sandwiched between cheddar. brilliant!

do you ever feel like there's nothing left to tell people? i think questions like "how are you?" or "what's up/happening" or "what have you been up to?" are the bane of my existence. that's part of why i hate people and hate pointless human interaction.

just because i don't have answers to those questions doesn't mean i don't have a life.

i'm re-prioritizing my life. it feels good. it's a big relief actually.

• you fill up a jar with golf balls until it's full.
• but then you pour pebbles in all around the golf balls until it's full.
• then you pour sand in which fills in spaces around the pebbles until it's full.
• and supposedly you can still pour in a cup of coffee before it's full.

... something about how the really important things in your life are the golf balls. if you only had them your life it would be okay, your life would still be full. and the pebbles are other important things but not necessities. the sand is things that are nice but not needed. and i guess the coffee follows. if you fill up your life jar from little to small, you won't have enough room to fit in the important things so throw in the big golf balls first.

Moving Along ...
it's back to the ol' porn mill for me. Texan Sugar Daddy essentially cut me off and after checking on my credit card debt, i've decided i must go back to work prostituting my body online. i'm not thrilled about it but it will give me something to pass the time. i need money terribly if i'm ever going to get an apartment.

i'm in japan now. the diet coke here is but a mere shadow of the diet coke in the states. i wonder what european diet coke is like.

i'm watching dreamgirls right now. the man is out and about til later tonight. it's about six and i had dinner consisting of pineapple, pasta salad and those deep fried creamy crabby things.

since last night when i arrived i've already decided this was most definitely a bad idea. i'm not opposed to knowingly walking into bad decisions, however. because everything's an experience. and my current philosophy is that

life is not a timeline.

it's more like a rubberband ball.

tomorrow craigslistwhore is picking me up and taking me to seattle where i'm staying until tuesday. tuesday i fly to tokyo. i'm excited to get out of here. living with my parents is draining.

the prescriptions i'm taking (ortho evra, effexor and seroquel) are not treating me well. for some reason i am bleeding when i shouldn't be. i can't feel my face or my arms or my legs. and i feel completely out of it. i'm more moody than usual and i can't help but feel overwhelmed by despair.

t9 is a funny thing.
coal anal cock
lips kiss
select reject

i can't fit everything i want to take into my luggage. necessities include: mid calf brown boots, knee high black boots, purple ankle boots, black patent calfhair wedges, black ballet flats, running shoes, underwear, bras, fur coat, fur lined hooded jacket, magenta jacket, other assorted jackets and blazers, leggings, jeans, two short sleeved turtlenecks, trapeze tops, dresses, a painting that's a gift for the bf, a miniature broom and dustpan (housewarming gift), glass photo coasters (another housewarming gift), four hats, scarves, long black leather gloves, short black leather gloves, cream cashmere fingerless gloves, shampoo, *conditioner (still need to buy), face wash, body wash, hair products, hair accessories, makeup, straight iron, curling iron, ipod, books, magazines, airplane snacks, wallet, passport, sunglasses, contact lenses and cases, glasses, robe, nintendo ds, digital camera, rechargeable batteries + charger, camera cable, ds charger ....

i have to go let my dog in.

I am 21. I live with my parents in a town with a population of 22,975. I have a six month old dog, a cherished collection of shoes and a nasty shopping habit. I also enjoy cooking, baking, eating too much, taking sleeping pills, and reading. I have held a variety of occupations including:

student: high school diploma with honors. associates degree. two failed attempts at a bachelors degree at two separate private religiously affiliated universities.

sales associate: from $5 jeans to $5000 commissioned sales. i am experienced in greeting customers, determining their needs, suggesting multiple accessorized outfits, adding on even more, closing the sale and following up with a hand-written thank you. also once fucked the pitcher for the texas rangers after i sold him some shoes.

artist: my dodgy education has taught me to be proficient in multiple mediums and techniques to create visual interpretations of expression [read: has taught me to bullshit answers about what i've been taught].

nanny: i have experience as a live-in nanny caring for two young children ages two and five. my cpr certification is expired, but i'm skilled at getting them to eat the weird chicken chunks in campbell's soup.

webcam model: my most recent employer, UNNAMED STUDIO, has trained me in the art of internet seduction. i have made up to $75/hr selling my body via a Logitech QuickCam10 and an unreliable internet connection. the connections i have made with clientele during my employment with UNNAMED STUDIO have resulted in an approximate $2,000 profit in the last two months. this in exchange for pretending i am mildly interested in a 38 year old texan freight broker who's in a crappy band. he also probably has cancer. and i am probably going to hell.